I am more of a left brain person who strives to get things done correct in the allotted time and with supporting evidence.  I doubt myself often which is something I am working on overcoming, but until I have the proof I need to back myself up I am not completely sure I have written or done the right thing.  I consider myself an uncreative person; however I do like to look at obstacles I face in my work in child welfare and come up with creative ways to provide a service.  I dream about being a creative person; to be able to write a novel, perform in a play, sing a karaoke song, draw, paint, do ceramics, or play the piano…but I cannot do any of those things well.  

“Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.”

Erich Fromm

I am shy and insecure and I think that has something to do with my lack of creativity and also the need for support and evidence so that I am not the only one that believes the way I do, because what if someone challenged me, what would I say?  Because I work in a field where I am looked at as a professional and although I am basically acting as one, there are many times I feel like a fraud.  I never claim to have a degree, but without saying I don’t I think most people I encounter in my work assume I do.  I think that is one of my main motivators for completing my degree is that finally I will feel legitimate and not a fake.  I know I am not phony and I do everything in my power to act professional and to make decisions that are fully thought through, but yet I still feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not.  I discuss my concerns with my co-workers and supervisor whom I respect very much and ask for feedback which I take seriously and often make changes as a result.

One of the last questions was how might I create more balance?  I don’t know, maybe I need to eat better, exercise more, and meditate.  Would that allow me the ability to think clearer and maybe trust myself enough to challenge my fears and do something creative?  There is probably more to it but those things couldn’t hurt, could they?