“It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure... I think.”  Ellen DeGeneres

 

So to be honest, I began this assignment thinking I would forego the exercise to save time and energy but then I thought about last weeks free writing exercise and how much I enjoyed it and got out of it, so instead I decided to go ahead and do this week’s as well.  Again, it was good.  I whizzed right through the obstacles even though I thought I would have a hard time identifying them.  I cannot draw, I can’t even use the word artist, so bear with me, and Jamie did say not to worry about how good it was artistically, it was the act of doing it that was the benefit.  So here is my drawing;

 



What I discovered when I drew without thinking about it was that my obstacles are time or lack thereof, my age is conflicting with how I feel and is scary because I don’t want to be running out of time.  I’d like to spend more time with my husband and the rest of my family who are spread out all over and so the obstacle is again finding the time and coordinating schedules.  Another obstacle for me is that I have deadlines for court reports and am accountable to the Judge to make sure everything has been done for the families I work with and if the court report is late or there is something left undone, it’s my reputation on the line.  The last obstacle that I drew was the many families I work with.  They want and need and expect so much from me that it is exhausting at times. 

 

 

One thing that I didn’t draw and I didn’t think about until now is me; I am often my own obstacle.    I doubt myself sometimes and don’t feel I’m smart enough or capable enough.  I’m working on overcoming this, but it’s been a lifelong work in progress.   

 

 

 

 

So this week we are to blog about what thoughts we brought up in our free writing.  I wrote about a few things but felt uncomfortable at first because I was automatically correcting my spelling and grammar as I went which I think stifles the creativity. Creativity is not my forte as I am more concerned about being honest and respected than being creative.  Fortunately for me, I am learning that it is equally as important to be creative and expressive than to say what you think a reader wants to hear. 

I wrote first about my work and how today was a difficult day because it was court day and there were cases that were complicated.  Some cases the court agreed with our recommendations and others he didn’t.  This can be hard to accept sometimes; however it is something that we must learn to do otherwise we are burdened with what we could’ve done differently and many times, it is who presents better or has the better representation or who the judge is and how his day is going.  I think what has helped me deal with this is to know I have done the best job I could with the resources and time I had to work with them.  The other thing that helps me deal with this is that I take each decision as a learning experience and if it doesn’t go my way then next time I’ll do better or I’ll understand my client’s better and be able to treat them differently. 

Another topic I wrote about was my mother.  She was the sweetest lady and beautiful to boot.  She had a sense of fun and enjoyed life, but she had demons too.  She mostly hid her troubles from me when I was younger but at some point she couldn’t hide them from anyone.  She retired early and drank more heavily and then her emotions got the better of her and she was unable to cope with life.  Although I was very involved in the troubles that plagued her, I choose to remember the good times, the fun times, and the times she herself would’ve chosen to remember.

Anyway, I enjoyed the free writing.  I was hesitant, but after going through it, I found I liked it.  It was liberating and for me that’s a rare and good thing.  This is a quote I found and I love it.  I think it sort of relates here.   What I thought when I saw it, is be creative, enjoy life, and go with the flow.