My thought process

“My ideas flow so rapidly that I have not time to express them──by which means my letters sometimes convey no ideas at all to my correspondents.” - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

When I write, I usually do a sort of free writing where I put down my ideas and then as I read what I’ve written I think about how other people will respond and then I go back and re-write which consists of my thinking about what information I want to get across while considering the way my message will be read.    I sometimes think too much about how others will perceive my meaning whether it is in my writing or in my verbal communication.  I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing.  I believe we should be aware of how powerful our words are and use them carefully but I also believe we should say what needs to be said and if someone takes it the wrong way, it is unfortunate but we must be true to ourselves and do what is right. 

Sometimes I don’t change my words even though I realize what I’ve written may be viewed in a different way than what I intended because I feel that those words and that message is truly what I want to convey and my hope is the reader will look at it again and read it from a more objective perspective.  I am much more confident and comfortable with the written word than the verbal because I have the ability to edit. 

 

Hopefully this is my last blog.  Bye.

 

Before doing this exercise, I would have thought I was more right brain but after thinking this through, I believe I am more left brain which does make more sense.  I am not spontaneous and I don’t trust my thoughts until I have support for them.  I doubt myself before I speak because I fear I’m going to come across as not very smart.  It’s interesting to think about but my whole life I have been a conformist.  I tell people I am a rule follower.

 

What makes this interesting is there was one aspect of my life where I was creative.  During my teen years I was a cheerleader and took great pride in what I did and worked hard at it.  As an adult I coached this sport for 15 years.  I was a strict coach and expected nothing but 100% of the kids I coached; however I was also creative in choreography and spontaneous on trips and incorporating playful activities while we worked so hard. 

"You can't possibly stick the stunt if you're thinking of all the possible ways you could fall." Author Addrian, Nine Mile Falls, WA USA

 After ending my coaching career and focusing on myself, I went to massage therapy school and felt like I was finally a free spirit and able to center myself with my dreams, thoughts, and behavior.  Unfortunately, I came home and back to my following the rules life and now only have those beautiful memories of that time.  It’s interesting how some people are able to balance the right and left brain and some are not.  I think I have not been very successful at the balancing act. 

With this being said, I want to mention that I have a grandson who is being raised by my daughter and her husband in Santa Cruz.  I identify SC because it is known for being a more alternative, healthy, green, natural community.  My son-in-law was raised by his mom and dad who lived on a commune there.  This upbringing and the fact that his parents raised him to trust himself and explore the world, leaving home and joining the professional surfer circuit at 15 allowed him to instill this sense of adventure in my grandson.  My daughter has acclimated to this lifestyle and way of thinking easily and so my grandson is learning to trust himself, to explore his world, to not be a conformist but instead to challenge certain barriers and this I believe will give him the confidence to face the world on his own terms and not live within the boundaries society places on him.  I tell this story because when I am with him or I hear about what the family has done or what their plans are, I am so happy.  I want my children and my grandchildren to not have the internal struggle of a lack of self-confidence or a fear to express themselves or to challenge an injustice. 

 

I want them to work at changing what they believe is wrong and if they have the confidence and knowledge, they will be able to do so.  They have inspired me to be a better person and to reconnect to my creative side.